North Carolina Festival & Filmmaking notes

I've traveled by myself before - a road trip LA to Colorado for a job, a few New York trips, OH I guess BARCELONA for study abroad, but never have I really gone somewhere where I don't know anyone, by myself. That was the North Carolina trip.  4 days. Treated like some strange VIP for the Film Festival, the lovely driver with the sign greeted me at the airport with my backpack and late night arrival straight from the NYC office. My hotel room in the old mill factory had a bigger than King sized bed and an old fashioned chandelier. Instead of stress for setting out on my own, I found complete calm in my slight anonymity. Days were spent seeing movie after movie, wonderful thought provoking films by filmmakers that I was able to meet and befriend. Films are no longer these long off goals, but concrete things that I can discuss with their maker. The whole trip was surreal.

A step back from the travel side to my FILMMAKING SIDE-

1. REWARD: From another doc filmmaker - "It seems as if we've all shown up to the Festivals from a great battle. Wounded and without sleep. We've all been through war and now we get to raise our glasses and cheers each other, swap combat stories, and enjoy." Here I was watching movies (I never do that!), I took a nap in the middle of the day, one night I slept 8 hours and in the morning went to a bakery and bought 2 danishes and read my book!

2. LOSING: Placement in a Festival makes some kind of statement on success, but as a fellow filmmaker said, "my friends / family often see me as this person successfully living my dreams and being creative, but what they may not see is me failing, losing, and being rejected every day, over and over." As thankful as I am for yes, being able to live my dreams, everyday I'm told no, told I'm crazy, told my film isn't good enough, and I think it's not possible. For every Festival acceptance, I've heard the good average is 4 rejections. Everyday we keep going. We are crazy.

3. CURB SATISFACTION?: I don't completely recall the details of this one (here I'll thank the Festival's alcohol sponsors), but something along the lines of....you should never be 100% satisfied or happy with your job, because that would be impossible, you should always be striving to improve. Perfection doesn't exist. Which, as an optimist, maybe is depressing. OR is it reassuring coming from an optimist, in that it can always be better. I'll say, there can be perfection in that moment, full of pure joy, but you can also know you can keep striving to make it even better. Now THAT is worth something. 
"no amount of money could buy security, and if it could, it would be a bad bargain at any price, since security was a form of paralysis, just as satisfaction was a form of death" - Tom Robbins 

All that is great, but I still feel...when is it really over, when is the film really done, done? We all may have been taking naps, watching movies, and taking full advantage of the parties, but we also were answering emails for both our day jobs and our films, applying to more festivals, and preparing to head back to work. 

For me, back to the pulsating city of New York where my blood flows faster and my speed walking falls perfectly in line with the ebb of pedestrian traffic filled with every variety of person and dream.